Parenting Under Pressure: How ACT Helps Parents Support Young Athletes
By Adam Kroot
Elite youth sport can be exhilarating—and stressful. Parents juggle early mornings, travel, finances, and the emotional swings of wins and losses. Beyond logistics, though, parents are one of the most powerful influences on their child’s experience in sport. Research shows that parental behaviors shape how athletes interpret pressure, cope with setbacks, and connect sport to their identity. Supportive involvement fosters autonomy, motivation, and enjoyment, while controlling or outcome-focused involvement is linked with anxiety, perfectionism, and burnout (Knight et al., 2017; Lienhart et al., 2019). At the same time, elite youth athletes show higher rates of anxiety, depression, and identity foreclosure than recreational peers (Walton et al., 2024).
In short, how parents show up on the sidelines and at home often matters just as much as what happens in practice.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT; Hayes et al, 1999) offers a practical roadmap for staying steady and supportive when the stakes feel high.
What is ACT?
ACT is an evidence-based approach that aims to build psychological flexibility, which is the capacity to notice thoughts and feelings, make room for them, and still choose actions guided by your values. It doesn’t ask you (or your child) to “think positive” or suppress nerves; instead, it helps you relate differently to tough inner experiences so they don’t drive your behavior.
ACT revolves around six core concepts (you don’t need all of them at once):
Acceptance: Allowing difficult emotions to exist instead of fighting them.
Defusion: Stepping back from sticky thoughts (“if my kid doesn’t make the A team, I must not be a great parent”) so you can choose your response.
Present-moment awareness: Noticing what’s happening here and now (your breath, your tone, next play mentality).
Self-as-context: Remembering you’re more than today’s result or role of “sport parent.”
Values: Clarifying what matters most in how you show up.
Committed action: Small, consistent behaviors aligned with those values.
Here are three ACT concepts you can use immediately:
1) Clarify Your Values (so the scoreboard doesn’t set the tone)
In high-pressure settings, outcomes can hijack conversations and car rides. Values bring you back to who you want to be as a parent, regardless of the score.
Try this:
Finish the prompt: “As a sport parent, I want my child to remember me as someone who…” (e.g., models composure, prioritizes joy and growth)
Create a Family Sport Mission in one sentence: “In our family, sport is about learning, effort, and respect.”
Translate values into actionable behaviors: If “respect” is a value, your behaviors might include greeting and thanking officials or avoiding coaching from the stands.
Game-day cue: Write your top value on a sticky note or your phone lock screen. Glance at it before warm-ups and at halftime. How are your behaviors aligning with the value?
2) Unhook from Outcome-Driven Thoughts (defusion)
Thoughts like “If they don’t start, they’ll fall behind” or “We need a scholarship” are normal and can be sticky. Defusion helps you notice the thought, name it, and choose how you want to respond.
Try this:
Name the story: “Ah, there’s the scholarship story again.” Naming creates a little distance.
10-second label: “I’m having the thought that ___.” (Adds space between you and the thought.)
If-Then plan: “If I catch myself catastrophizing during the match, then I’ll take one slow breath and refocus on cheering effort.”
Practice: Read the worrying thought in a playful voice (in your head). It won’t erase the concern, but it usually reduces its grip enough to help you act like the parent you want to be.
3) Make Space for Emotions (acceptance)
Sport is emotional and often involve nerves, frustration, disappointment. Trying to push feelings away often makes them louder. Acceptance means you can feel it and still coach your behavior.
Try this:
30-second check-in: Notice where the feeling sits in your body (tight chest, warm face). Silently say, “Here’s anxiety,” and breathe into that spot for three breaths.
Normalize aloud: “I was tense watching that finish—that’s normal on a big day.”
Car ride script: Lead with process and effort : “What felt better today? Where did you adjust well?” Save technical advice for later or when your athlete asks.
Red flag: Using emotion to steer the debrief (“I’m so disappointed”).
Green light: Model regulation (“I felt anxious, and I’m proud of how you kept competing.”)
Put it together this week:
Before competition: Read your value cue; set one parent behavior goal (e.g., “Compliment effort three times”).
During competition: Use one defusion tool (“I’m having the thought that…”) + one 30-second acceptance check-in.
Post competition: Ask two process questions, share one appreciation, and end with something like, “I love watching you compete.”
Bottom line: ACT helps you stay present, values-driven, and supportive under pressure. When you unhook from outcomes and model healthy emotion skills, you create the climate where young athletes thrive both mentally and competitively.
References:
Knight, C. J., Berrow, S. R., & Harwood, C. G. (2017). Parenting in sport. Current Opinion in Psychology, 16, 93–97. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2017.03.011
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. Guilford Press.
Lienhart, N., Nicaise, V., Knight, C., & Guillet-Descas, E. (2019). Understanding parent stressors and coping experiences in elite sport contexts. Sport, Exercise, and Performance Psychology, 8(3), 390–404. https://doi.org/10.1037/spy0000160
Walton, C. C., Purcell, R., Henderson, J. L., Kim, J., Kerr, G., Frost, J., Gwyther, K., Pilkington, V., Rice, S., & Tamminen, K. A. (2024). Mental health among elite youth athletes: A narrative overview to advance research and practice. Sports Health, 16(2), 166–176. https://doi.org/10.1177/19417381231219230